1.
A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub.
Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.
As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, “I’ll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have make love with her and her response was, ‘I don’t know how you can make love to me with your type of body.’ So I asked her, ‘How about a little head?’”
She is going to paint a couple of rooms
A explorer goes into an undiscovered tomb
A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub.
Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.
As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, “I’ll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have make love with her and her response was, ‘I don’t know how you can make love to me with your type of body.’ So I asked her, ‘How about a little head?’”
She is going to paint a couple of rooms
A explorer goes into an undiscovered tomb
2.
A man’s walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows.
A man’s walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows.
“Twenty bucks,” she says.
He’s never been with a call girl before, but he decides what the hell.
They’re going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them… it’s a police officer.
“What’s going on here, people?” asks the officer.
“I’m making love to my wife,” the man answers indignantly.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” says the cop, “I didn’t know.”
“Well,” said the man, “neither did I until you shined that light in her face.”
So my mom decided to sell her house
Three Engineers are Discussing God
A man’s walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows.
A man’s walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows.
“Twenty bucks,” she says.
He’s never been with a call girl before, but he decides what the hell.
They’re going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them… it’s a police officer.
“What’s going on here, people?” asks the officer.
“I’m making love to my wife,” the man answers indignantly.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” says the cop, “I didn’t know.”
“Well,” said the man, “neither did I until you shined that light in her face.”
So my mom decided to sell her house
Three Engineers are Discussing God
3.
A bartender is working one evening, when a panicked man comes charging into his bar.
“BIG JAKE’S COMIN’!” he cries. “EVERYBODY RUN! BIG JAKE’S COMIN’!”
The bartender, having never heard that name before, is a little perplexed – even more so when all of his patrons start screaming and running out the door.
In just a few moments, the bar is emptied out.
A minute afterwards, the bartender sees a massive hulk of a man punch down the door and walk inside.
Seven feet tall, with biceps like steel girders and piercings as thick as railroad spikes.
He walks up to the bartender, making the entire room rumble with every footstep.
“Gimme some whiskey!” roars the giant.
The bartender, scared out of his mind, hands him an entire bottle.
He drinks it all in one swig, and then smashes the bottle over his own head
A man walks into a rooftop bar
A construction worker goes to the doctor
A bartender is working one evening, when a panicked man comes charging into his bar.
“BIG JAKE’S COMIN’!” he cries. “EVERYBODY RUN! BIG JAKE’S COMIN’!”
The bartender, having never heard that name before, is a little perplexed – even more so when all of his patrons start screaming and running out the door.
In just a few moments, the bar is emptied out.
A minute afterwards, the bartender sees a massive hulk of a man punch down the door and walk inside.
Seven feet tall, with biceps like steel girders and piercings as thick as railroad spikes.
He walks up to the bartender, making the entire room rumble with every footstep.
“Gimme some whiskey!” roars the giant.
The bartender, scared out of his mind, hands him an entire bottle.
He drinks it all in one swig, and then smashes the bottle over his own head
A man walks into a rooftop bar
A construction worker goes to the doctor
4.
A family goes to the zoo and when they get there, they decide to split up so they can see more animals.
The little boy goes with his mother, and after they walk for a bit he points and says, “Mommy, what’s that?!”
She tells him that it’s a monkey.
Soon after he points again, asking “Mommy, what’s that?”
She tells him that it’s a giraffe…and on an on, until they get to the elephant, when he points and says “Mommy, what’s that?”
She says “That’s an elephant!”, but he points underneath the elephant and says “No, Mommy, what’s that?”
She sees where he is pointing, gets embarrassed, looks away, and says “That’s nothing, sweetie, that’s nothing.”
A while later the family meets back up, and the boy begins walking the zoo with his father.
They walk for a bit and the boy asks “Dad, what’s that?” “Well, son, that’s a bear.”
A bit later, “Dad, what’s that?” “That’s a penguin!” …and on and on, until they arrive once again at the elephant, when the son points and says “Dad, what’s that?” “Well, son, that’s an Elephant.”
The boy shakes his head and says, “No, Dad, I mean underneath”, so the dad looks where he is pointing and says,
“That’s the elephant’s p**is, son.”
“Well, how come when I asked Mom she said it was nothing?”
The father thinks for a moment, then says, “Son, I’ve spoiled that woman.
I recall my first time with a protection
A man sat in the confession booth in church
A family goes to the zoo and when they get there, they decide to split up so they can see more animals.
The little boy goes with his mother, and after they walk for a bit he points and says, “Mommy, what’s that?!”
She tells him that it’s a monkey.
Soon after he points again, asking “Mommy, what’s that?”
She tells him that it’s a giraffe…and on an on, until they get to the elephant, when he points and says “Mommy, what’s that?”
She says “That’s an elephant!”, but he points underneath the elephant and says “No, Mommy, what’s that?”
She sees where he is pointing, gets embarrassed, looks away, and says “That’s nothing, sweetie, that’s nothing.”
A while later the family meets back up, and the boy begins walking the zoo with his father.
They walk for a bit and the boy asks “Dad, what’s that?” “Well, son, that’s a bear.”
A bit later, “Dad, what’s that?” “That’s a penguin!” …and on and on, until they arrive once again at the elephant, when the son points and says “Dad, what’s that?” “Well, son, that’s an Elephant.”
The boy shakes his head and says, “No, Dad, I mean underneath”, so the dad looks where he is pointing and says,
“That’s the elephant’s p**is, son.”
“Well, how come when I asked Mom she said it was nothing?”
The father thinks for a moment, then says, “Son, I’ve spoiled that woman.
I recall my first time with a protection
A man sat in the confession booth in church
5.
The manager picks up, and a man asks in a formal tone:
“Good morning sir, might I ask, at what time does your fine establishment open?”
“Well,” replies the manager politely, “We’re closed this Christmas Eve, so we won’t be opening today.”
“I see Thank you for the information.”
On the next day, the phone rings early in the morning at the manager’s home, and the voice on the other line asks with a somewhat less steady voice:
“Good morning sir, at what time – hic – d’ya open?”
“Well, today’s Christmas Day, so we’re closed today too,” the manager replies, barely keeping the frustration out of his voice.
“I schee, I schee,” the voice replies.
On Boxing Day, the phone rings once more. A slurring voice asks:
“M’goodschir, I wshjustwondering, when d’ya open?”
Look, I’ve had enough of this.
You’ve called me on Christmas Eve and on Christmas Day, and I told you that we’re closed.
Today’s Boxing Day and we’re definitely closed.
But we’re open as usual at 9 AM tomorrow, and don’t worry, I’ll be there personally to make sure that they won’t let you in!”
A man had a parrot of which
You sink your teeth into a steak
The manager picks up, and a man asks in a formal tone:
“Good morning sir, might I ask, at what time does your fine establishment open?”
“Well,” replies the manager politely, “We’re closed this Christmas Eve, so we won’t be opening today.”
“I see Thank you for the information.”
On the next day, the phone rings early in the morning at the manager’s home, and the voice on the other line asks with a somewhat less steady voice:
“Good morning sir, at what time – hic – d’ya open?”
“Well, today’s Christmas Day, so we’re closed today too,” the manager replies, barely keeping the frustration out of his voice.
“I schee, I schee,” the voice replies.
On Boxing Day, the phone rings once more. A slurring voice asks:
“M’goodschir, I wshjustwondering, when d’ya open?”
Look, I’ve had enough of this.
You’ve called me on Christmas Eve and on Christmas Day, and I told you that we’re closed.
Today’s Boxing Day and we’re definitely closed.
But we’re open as usual at 9 AM tomorrow, and don’t worry, I’ll be there personally to make sure that they won’t let you in!”
A man had a parrot of which
You sink your teeth into a steak
6.
A guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde.
He immediately turns to her and makes his move.
“You know,” he says, “I’ve heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let’s talk.”
The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the guy, “What would you like to discuss?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” says the guy. “How about nuclear power?”
“OK,” says the blonde.
“That could be an interesting topic, but let me ask you a question first:
A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff–grass.
Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?”
The guy is dumbfounded. Finally, he replies, “I haven’t the slightest idea.”
“So tell me,” says the blonde,
“How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don’t know jack sh*t??”
One man was reading the newspaper
A 6th grade teacher asks a question
A guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde.
He immediately turns to her and makes his move.
“You know,” he says, “I’ve heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let’s talk.”
The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the guy, “What would you like to discuss?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” says the guy. “How about nuclear power?”
“OK,” says the blonde.
“That could be an interesting topic, but let me ask you a question first:
A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff–grass.
Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?”
The guy is dumbfounded. Finally, he replies, “I haven’t the slightest idea.”
“So tell me,” says the blonde,
“How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don’t know jack sh*t??”
One man was reading the newspaper
A 6th grade teacher asks a question
7.
At the doctor’s office, Tom was getting a check up.
“I have good news and bad news,” says the doctor.
“The good news is you have 24 hours left to live.”
Tom replies, “That’s the good news?!”
Then the doctor says, “The bad news is I should have told you that yesterday.”
A blonde walks into the police department
He asked his boss for two more weeks
At the doctor’s office, Tom was getting a check up.
“I have good news and bad news,” says the doctor.
“The good news is you have 24 hours left to live.”
Tom replies, “That’s the good news?!”
Then the doctor says, “The bad news is I should have told you that yesterday.”
A blonde walks into the police department
He asked his boss for two more weeks
8.
A man suffered a serious heart attack and had bypass surgery.
He awakened to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic hospital.
As he was recovering, a nun asked how he was going to pay the bill.
He replied, in a raspy voice, “No health insurance.”
The nun asked if he had money in the bank.
He replied, “No money in the bank.”
The nun asked, “Do you have a relative who could help you?”
He said, “Just a spinster sister, who is a nun.”
The nun, slightly perturbed, said, “Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God.”
The patient replied, “Then send the bill to my brother-in-law.”
Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday
Two old school friends meet on the street
A man suffered a serious heart attack and had bypass surgery.
He awakened to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic hospital.
As he was recovering, a nun asked how he was going to pay the bill.
He replied, in a raspy voice, “No health insurance.”
The nun asked if he had money in the bank.
He replied, “No money in the bank.”
The nun asked, “Do you have a relative who could help you?”
He said, “Just a spinster sister, who is a nun.”
The nun, slightly perturbed, said, “Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God.”
The patient replied, “Then send the bill to my brother-in-law.”
Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday
Two old school friends meet on the street
9.
The officer signals for her to pull over, and then walks over and asks her with a smile: “What’s the rush?”
“I’m late for work.”
“Sure,” says the officer, “What do you do?”
“I’m a rectal dis tender.”
“A what? A rectal dis tender? And what is that, exactly?”
“Well, you see, I start by putting a finger in, then another, then I work up to three fingers, four fingers, until the whole hand is in, I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then slowly but surely I extend the rectum, until it’s about 6 feet wide.”
“And what the hell do you do with a 6 feet as…?”
“Give him a speed gun and put him by the side of the road.”
A mathematician and biologist & physicist
A General stepped out taking
The officer signals for her to pull over, and then walks over and asks her with a smile: “What’s the rush?”
“I’m late for work.”
“Sure,” says the officer, “What do you do?”
“I’m a rectal dis tender.”
“A what? A rectal dis tender? And what is that, exactly?”
“Well, you see, I start by putting a finger in, then another, then I work up to three fingers, four fingers, until the whole hand is in, I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then slowly but surely I extend the rectum, until it’s about 6 feet wide.”
“And what the hell do you do with a 6 feet as…?”
“Give him a speed gun and put him by the side of the road.”
A mathematician and biologist & physicist
A General stepped out taking
10.
A young teen aged girl was a call girl and, for obvious reasons, kept it a secret from her grandma.
One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of call girl, including the young girl.
The call girl were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk.
Well, who should be walking in the neighborhood, but little old Grandma.
The young girl was frantic.
Sure enough, Grandma noticed her young granddaughter and asked curiously, “What are you lining up for, dear?”
Not willing to let grandma in on her little secret, the young girl told her that some people were passing out free oranges and that she was lining up for some.
“Mmm, sounds lovely,” said Grandma.
“I think I’ll have some myself,” she continued as she made her way to the back of the line.
A police officer made his way down the line, questioning all of the call girl.
When he got to Grandma, at the end of the line, he was bewildered.
“But you’re so old… how do you do it?”
Grandma replied, “Oh, it’s quite easy, sonny… I just remove my dentures and taste it ’em dry!”
A man buys several sheep
A man and woman are sitting at a bar
A young teen aged girl was a call girl and, for obvious reasons, kept it a secret from her grandma.
One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of call girl, including the young girl.
The call girl were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk.
Well, who should be walking in the neighborhood, but little old Grandma.
The young girl was frantic.
Sure enough, Grandma noticed her young granddaughter and asked curiously, “What are you lining up for, dear?”
Not willing to let grandma in on her little secret, the young girl told her that some people were passing out free oranges and that she was lining up for some.
“Mmm, sounds lovely,” said Grandma.
“I think I’ll have some myself,” she continued as she made her way to the back of the line.
A police officer made his way down the line, questioning all of the call girl.
When he got to Grandma, at the end of the line, he was bewildered.
“But you’re so old… how do you do it?”
Grandma replied, “Oh, it’s quite easy, sonny… I just remove my dentures and taste it ’em dry!”
A man buys several sheep
A man and woman are sitting at a bar
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11.
The first day of their Honeymoon, the very naive blonde pure bride slipped into a nice but sweet nightie and,
with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find that her new Christian husband had settled down on the couch.
When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, “Because it’s Lent.”
Almost in tears, she remarked, “Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard!
To whom did you lend it, and for how long?”
A old woman was able to give birth to child
The day she won the lottery
The first day of their Honeymoon, the very naive blonde pure bride slipped into a nice but sweet nightie and,
with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find that her new Christian husband had settled down on the couch.
When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, “Because it’s Lent.”
Almost in tears, she remarked, “Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard!
To whom did you lend it, and for how long?”
A old woman was able to give birth to child
The day she won the lottery
12.
Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat.
The driver blonde turned to her friend and said “You know it’s blondes like that that give us a bad name!”
To this, the other blonde replies “I know it, and if I knew how to swim, I’d go out there and drown her.”
A woman went to doctor office
A man came home from work one day
Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat.
The driver blonde turned to her friend and said “You know it’s blondes like that that give us a bad name!”
To this, the other blonde replies “I know it, and if I knew how to swim, I’d go out there and drown her.”
A woman went to doctor office
A man came home from work one day
13.
A man wakes up and looks at his clock. It is 7:07 am.
He gets out of bed, goes downstairs and glances at his calendar.
It says it is July 7, the seventh day of the seventh month.
As he steps outside he notices Bus #7 going by.
He walks to a coffee shop and orders a coffee and a bite to eat and the bill comes to $7.77.
The man thinks “hmmmm… all these sevens… I think the universe is trying to tell me something.”
So feeling that maybe this is his lucky day, the man cuts out early from work and goes to the race track.
He reads the racing schedule and sees that in the seventh race horse # 7 is called “Lucky Universe”.
The man can’t believe it.
He runs up to the teller and bets all his money on the horse.
The horse came in seventh.
Two nuns were shopping in a food store
John goes to the deli for some soup
A man wakes up and looks at his clock. It is 7:07 am.
He gets out of bed, goes downstairs and glances at his calendar.
It says it is July 7, the seventh day of the seventh month.
As he steps outside he notices Bus #7 going by.
He walks to a coffee shop and orders a coffee and a bite to eat and the bill comes to $7.77.
The man thinks “hmmmm… all these sevens… I think the universe is trying to tell me something.”
So feeling that maybe this is his lucky day, the man cuts out early from work and goes to the race track.
He reads the racing schedule and sees that in the seventh race horse # 7 is called “Lucky Universe”.
The man can’t believe it.
He runs up to the teller and bets all his money on the horse.
The horse came in seventh.
Two nuns were shopping in a food store
John goes to the deli for some soup
14.
There was a village on the outskirts of a forest.
A shepherd boy used to take his herd of sheep across the fields to the lawns near the forest.
One day he felt very boring and wanted to have fun.
So he cried aloud “Wolf, Wolf.
The wolf is carrying away a lamb.”
Farmers working in the fields came running and asked, “Where is the wolf?” The boy laughed and replied “It was just a fun Now get going all of you”.
The boy played the trick for quite a number of times in the next few days.
After some days as the boy was sitting on a tree and singing a song, there came a wolf.
The boy cried loudly “Wolf, Wolf, The wolf is carrying a lamb away.” There was no one to come.
The boy shouted “Help! Wolf!” Still no one came to his help.
The villagers thought that the boy was playing mischief again.
The wolf carried a lamb away and the boy was very sad.
The Englishman & Irishman
A singles bar where he spotted
There was a village on the outskirts of a forest.
A shepherd boy used to take his herd of sheep across the fields to the lawns near the forest.
One day he felt very boring and wanted to have fun.
So he cried aloud “Wolf, Wolf.
The wolf is carrying away a lamb.”
Farmers working in the fields came running and asked, “Where is the wolf?” The boy laughed and replied “It was just a fun Now get going all of you”.
The boy played the trick for quite a number of times in the next few days.
After some days as the boy was sitting on a tree and singing a song, there came a wolf.
The boy cried loudly “Wolf, Wolf, The wolf is carrying a lamb away.” There was no one to come.
The boy shouted “Help! Wolf!” Still no one came to his help.
The villagers thought that the boy was playing mischief again.
The wolf carried a lamb away and the boy was very sad.
The Englishman & Irishman
A singles bar where he spotted
15.
A man was brought to Mercy Hospital and taken in for coronary surgery.
The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed.
“Mr. Smith, you’re going to be just fine,” said the nun, gently patting his hand.
“We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?”
“No, I’m not,” the man whispered hoarsely.
“Can you pay in cash?” persisted the nun.
“I’m afraid I cannot, Sister.”
“Well, do you have any close relatives?” the nun essayed.
“Just my sister in New Mexico,” he volunteered.
“But she’s a humble spinster nun.”
“Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not ‘spinsters.’ They are married to God.”
“Wonderful,” said Smith. “In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in-law.”
The math teacher was giving a lesson
A new nurse at a hospital
A man was brought to Mercy Hospital and taken in for coronary surgery.
The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed.
“Mr. Smith, you’re going to be just fine,” said the nun, gently patting his hand.
“We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?”
“No, I’m not,” the man whispered hoarsely.
“Can you pay in cash?” persisted the nun.
“I’m afraid I cannot, Sister.”
“Well, do you have any close relatives?” the nun essayed.
“Just my sister in New Mexico,” he volunteered.
“But she’s a humble spinster nun.”
“Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not ‘spinsters.’ They are married to God.”
“Wonderful,” said Smith. “In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in-law.”
The math teacher was giving a lesson
A new nurse at a hospital
16.
An Amish girl and her mother were visiting a mall.
They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again.
The girl asked, “Mother, what is this?”
The mother, never having seen an elevator, responded, “I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don’t know what it is.”
While the girl and her mother watched with amazement, an old man in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button.
The walls opened and the man rolled between them into a small room.
The walls closed and the girl and her mother watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until the last number was reached, and they watched some more as the numbers began to light in reverse order.
The walls opened up again and a hunky young man stepped out.
The mother, not taking her eyes off the young man, said quietly to her daughter, “Go get your father.”
Adam woke up suddenly
A couple walked into cheap restaurant
An Amish girl and her mother were visiting a mall.
They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again.
The girl asked, “Mother, what is this?”
The mother, never having seen an elevator, responded, “I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don’t know what it is.”
While the girl and her mother watched with amazement, an old man in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button.
The walls opened and the man rolled between them into a small room.
The walls closed and the girl and her mother watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until the last number was reached, and they watched some more as the numbers began to light in reverse order.
The walls opened up again and a hunky young man stepped out.
The mother, not taking her eyes off the young man, said quietly to her daughter, “Go get your father.”
Adam woke up suddenly
A couple walked into cheap restaurant
17.
My kid and I were in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena,
after looking to the man using the urinal to his right,
my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims,
“Daddy, that man’s wiener is a lot bigger than yours!”
The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me.
So I put my hand around my kid and told him, “Well son, that’s because daddy isn’t aroused by men.
One day a father and son
A tough looking group of hairy bikers are riding
My kid and I were in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena,
after looking to the man using the urinal to his right,
my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims,
“Daddy, that man’s wiener is a lot bigger than yours!”
The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me.
So I put my hand around my kid and told him, “Well son, that’s because daddy isn’t aroused by men.
One day a father and son
A tough looking group of hairy bikers are riding
18.
Wife: Am I looking fat?
Husband: Yes
Wife: Shut up. Don’t you ever dare talk to me!!
Wife: Am I looking fat?
Husband: No
Wife: Liar
Wife: Am I looking fat?
Husband: Maybe
Wife: can u ever b decisive
Wife: Am I looking fat?
Husband: I don’t know
Wife: Are you blind?
Wife: Am I looking fat?
Husband: Depends
Wife: Oh you comparing me with some one else..
Wife: Am I looking fat?
Husband: silence
Wife: Are you deaf?
There are some questions for which there is no correct answer.
For everything else there is Google.
Frank and John left the bar
Mary and Dave went a romantic dinner
Wife: Am I looking fat?
Husband: Yes
Wife: Shut up. Don’t you ever dare talk to me!!
Wife: Am I looking fat?
Husband: No
Wife: Liar
Wife: Am I looking fat?
Husband: Maybe
Wife: can u ever b decisive
Wife: Am I looking fat?
Husband: I don’t know
Wife: Are you blind?
Wife: Am I looking fat?
Husband: Depends
Wife: Oh you comparing me with some one else..
Wife: Am I looking fat?
Husband: silence
Wife: Are you deaf?
There are some questions for which there is no correct answer.
For everything else there is Google.
Frank and John left the bar
Mary and Dave went a romantic dinner
19.
“Away with you, vile insect!” said a Lion angrily to a Gnat that was buzzing around his head.
But the Gnat was not in the least disturbed.
“Do you think,” he said spitefully to the Lion, “that I am afraid of you because they call you king?”
The next instant he flew at the Lion and stung him sharply on the nose.
Mad with rage, the Lion struck fiercely at the Gnat, but only succeeded in tearing himself with his claws.
Again and again the Gnat stung the Lion, who now was roaring terribly.
At last, worn out with rage and covered with wounds that his own teeth and claws had made, the Lion gave up the fight.
The Surgeon Explains
The late king of a known Kingdom
“Away with you, vile insect!” said a Lion angrily to a Gnat that was buzzing around his head.
But the Gnat was not in the least disturbed.
“Do you think,” he said spitefully to the Lion, “that I am afraid of you because they call you king?”
The next instant he flew at the Lion and stung him sharply on the nose.
Mad with rage, the Lion struck fiercely at the Gnat, but only succeeded in tearing himself with his claws.
Again and again the Gnat stung the Lion, who now was roaring terribly.
At last, worn out with rage and covered with wounds that his own teeth and claws had made, the Lion gave up the fight.
The Surgeon Explains
The late king of a known Kingdom
20.
Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court.
In court the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe.
“Didn’t you say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine,‘” asked the lawyer.
Farmer Joe responded,
“Well. I’ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite donkey Bessie into the…”
“I didn’t ask for any details,” the lawyer interrupted,
“just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine!’“.
Farmer Joe said,
“Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road…”
The lawyer interrupted again and said,
“Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident,
this man told the Police officer on the scene that he was fine.
Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client.
I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.”
By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe’s answer and said to the lawyer,
“I’d like to hear what he has to say.”
Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded,
“Well, as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie into the trailer and was driving her down the motorway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side.
I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other.
I was hurting real bad and didn’t want to move.
However, I could hear ol’ Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.
Shortly after the accident a Policeman came on the scene.
He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her.
After he looked at her he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.
Then the officer came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me.”
He said,…
“Your donkey was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?”
I said: ………………………….
A man had the worst day of his life
Finding one of her student Little Johnny
Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court.
In court the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe.
“Didn’t you say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine,‘” asked the lawyer.
Farmer Joe responded,
“Well. I’ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite donkey Bessie into the…”
“I didn’t ask for any details,” the lawyer interrupted,
“just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine!’“.
Farmer Joe said,
“Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road…”
The lawyer interrupted again and said,
“Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident,
this man told the Police officer on the scene that he was fine.
Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client.
I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.”
By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe’s answer and said to the lawyer,
“I’d like to hear what he has to say.”
Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded,
“Well, as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie into the trailer and was driving her down the motorway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side.
I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other.
I was hurting real bad and didn’t want to move.
However, I could hear ol’ Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.
Shortly after the accident a Policeman came on the scene.
He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her.
After he looked at her he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.
Then the officer came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me.”
He said,…
“Your donkey was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?”
I said: ………………………….
A man had the worst day of his life
Finding one of her student Little Johnny
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21.
Two well-dressed ladies happened to start up a conversation during an endless wait in the Brisbane Airport Terminal.
The first lady was an arrogant Victorian married to a wealthy business man.
The second was a well-mannered elderly woman from Mount Isa, Queensland.
After a little while the Victorian woman started by saying, “When my first child was born, my husband built a beautiful mansion for me.”
The lady from Mount Isa commented, “Well, isn’t that fantastic?”
The first woman continued, “When my second child was born, my husband bought me a beautiful Mercedes-Benz again, the lady from Mount Isa commented, “Well, isn’t that fantastic?”
The first woman went on, “Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet.”
Yet again, the Mount Isa lady commented, “Well, isn’t that fantastic?”
The first woman then asked, “What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?”
“My husband sent me to charm school,” declared the Mount Isa lady.
“Charm school?” the first woman cried, “What on earth could they teach you?”
A guy calls a company and orders
A man told joke
Two well-dressed ladies happened to start up a conversation during an endless wait in the Brisbane Airport Terminal.
The first lady was an arrogant Victorian married to a wealthy business man.
The second was a well-mannered elderly woman from Mount Isa, Queensland.
After a little while the Victorian woman started by saying, “When my first child was born, my husband built a beautiful mansion for me.”
The lady from Mount Isa commented, “Well, isn’t that fantastic?”
The first woman continued, “When my second child was born, my husband bought me a beautiful Mercedes-Benz again, the lady from Mount Isa commented, “Well, isn’t that fantastic?”
The first woman went on, “Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet.”
Yet again, the Mount Isa lady commented, “Well, isn’t that fantastic?”
The first woman then asked, “What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?”
“My husband sent me to charm school,” declared the Mount Isa lady.
“Charm school?” the first woman cried, “What on earth could they teach you?”
A guy calls a company and orders
A man told joke
22.
A man is in a hotel lobby.
He wants to ask the clerk a question.
As he turns to go to the front desk, he acciedently bumbs into a woman besides him, and as he does his elbow goes into her huge melons.
They are both quite starled.
The man turns to her and says, “ma’am if your heart is as soft as your fronts, I know you’ll forgive me”.
She replies, “if your tool is as hard as your elbow, i’m in room 436.
Three fathers are talking about their sons
A first-grade teacher Ms Brooks
A man is in a hotel lobby.
He wants to ask the clerk a question.
As he turns to go to the front desk, he acciedently bumbs into a woman besides him, and as he does his elbow goes into her huge melons.
They are both quite starled.
The man turns to her and says, “ma’am if your heart is as soft as your fronts, I know you’ll forgive me”.
She replies, “if your tool is as hard as your elbow, i’m in room 436.
Three fathers are talking about their sons
A first-grade teacher Ms Brooks
23.
His new girlfriend demanded that she should live in Jack’s and Emma’s luxurious house, and since Jack’s lawyers were of a higher calibre, he received the house in the divorce.
He gave his ex-wife Emma 3 days to move out.
She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle light, put on some soft background music and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar and a bottle of Chardonnay.
When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods.
She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.
Then slowly, the house began to smell.
They tried everything: cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.
Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned.
Air fresheners were hung everywhere.
Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.
Nothing worked.
People stopped coming over to visit.
Repairmen refused to work in the house.
The maid quit finally, they couldn’t take the stench any longer and decided to move.
A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.
Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.
Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.
The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going.
He told her the saga of the rotting house.
She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.
Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.
She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.
A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home Including the curtain rods.
I think my wife is having a affair
The man came to his pastor
His new girlfriend demanded that she should live in Jack’s and Emma’s luxurious house, and since Jack’s lawyers were of a higher calibre, he received the house in the divorce.
He gave his ex-wife Emma 3 days to move out.
She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle light, put on some soft background music and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar and a bottle of Chardonnay.
When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods.
She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.
Then slowly, the house began to smell.
They tried everything: cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.
Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned.
Air fresheners were hung everywhere.
Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.
Nothing worked.
People stopped coming over to visit.
Repairmen refused to work in the house.
The maid quit finally, they couldn’t take the stench any longer and decided to move.
A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.
Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.
Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.
The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going.
He told her the saga of the rotting house.
She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.
Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.
She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.
A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home Including the curtain rods.
I think my wife is having a affair
The man came to his pastor
24.
A man called his doctor, and said “doc”, you gotta come over here quick, you see when my wife got out of the shower, and bent over to pick up her towel a mouse ran straight up her bum.
The doctor said, “okay just hold a piece of cheese just outside of her ass until I get over there.”
The doctor drove up, got out of his car, and went inside to see the man holding a big fish up to her bum instead of cheese.
The doctor said, “what are you doing, I said a piece of cheese.”
The man said, “I did what you said, and it almost worked, but when the mouse started to come out, the cat chased it right back up there!”
A old man and his wife lived in the hills
Johnny was enjoying a cigarette
A man called his doctor, and said “doc”, you gotta come over here quick, you see when my wife got out of the shower, and bent over to pick up her towel a mouse ran straight up her bum.
The doctor said, “okay just hold a piece of cheese just outside of her ass until I get over there.”
The doctor drove up, got out of his car, and went inside to see the man holding a big fish up to her bum instead of cheese.
The doctor said, “what are you doing, I said a piece of cheese.”
The man said, “I did what you said, and it almost worked, but when the mouse started to come out, the cat chased it right back up there!”
A old man and his wife lived in the hills
Johnny was enjoying a cigarette
25.
An elderly couple named Bill and Helen went to the county fair each year.
One year, a man at the fair was giving helicopter rides for 50 dollars.
Having never been in a helicopter in all his years, Bill begged Helen to let them ride.
She refused, quipping “50 bucks is 50 bucks.”
The following year, the man was there again, and again Bill begged for a ride.
Again Helen turned it down, saying “50 bucks is 50 bucks.”
The third year the same exact conversation happened, except this time the pilot overheard.
He offered the couple a free ride, but with one condition.
They must not make a sound while in the air, or they would have to pay the 50 dollars.
Bill and Helen agreed and climbed aboard.
As soon as they left the ground, the pilot began performing hair raising maneuvers in the air, but try as he might, he could not get the couple to utter a sound.
When they finally touched down, the pilot turned to Bill and exclaimed, “that was an amazing show of self control, you have earned your free ride”.
Bill replied, “well, I nearly said something when Helen fell out, but 50 bucks is 50 bucks.”
She asks the doctor about her baby
A serious drunk walked into a bar
An elderly couple named Bill and Helen went to the county fair each year.
One year, a man at the fair was giving helicopter rides for 50 dollars.
Having never been in a helicopter in all his years, Bill begged Helen to let them ride.
She refused, quipping “50 bucks is 50 bucks.”
The following year, the man was there again, and again Bill begged for a ride.
Again Helen turned it down, saying “50 bucks is 50 bucks.”
The third year the same exact conversation happened, except this time the pilot overheard.
He offered the couple a free ride, but with one condition.
They must not make a sound while in the air, or they would have to pay the 50 dollars.
Bill and Helen agreed and climbed aboard.
As soon as they left the ground, the pilot began performing hair raising maneuvers in the air, but try as he might, he could not get the couple to utter a sound.
When they finally touched down, the pilot turned to Bill and exclaimed, “that was an amazing show of self control, you have earned your free ride”.
Bill replied, “well, I nearly said something when Helen fell out, but 50 bucks is 50 bucks.”
She asks the doctor about her baby
A serious drunk walked into a bar
26.
A man went to God and asked, “What’s the value of life?”
God gave him a stone and told him to figure out its value without selling it.
The man then took the stone to an orange seller and asked about its value.
The orange seller offered 12 oranges for it.
The man refused and told the seller that God asked him not to sell it.
He went to the vegetable seller and also asked him what is the value of that stone.
The vegetable seller offered a sack of potatoes which the man refused too.
Then he proceeded to the jewelry shop and again asked about the value of the stone.
He was offered $100,000 which he refused too.
But the jeweler offered $150,000 again, however the man explained that he should not sell the stone.
In the end, he went to a precious stone shop and again asked about the value of this shiny stone.
The seller saw the ruby, laid it down a red cloth and he put it on it.
He asked the man where he got the stone and told him that he could never be able to purchase it even if he sold the whole world and his own life.
The man was stunned and went back to God and explained to him what happened.
Then he asked God one more time: “What is the value of life?”
To which God replied: “The answers you got from the Orange Seller, the Vegetable Seller, the Jeweler and the Precious Stone’s Seller explain the value of our life…
You may be a precious stone, even priceless, but people may value you based on their level of information, their belief in you, their motive behind entertaining you, their ambition, and their risk taking ability.
But don’t fear, you will surely find someone who will discern your true value.”
In the eyes of God everyone is unique and precious.
You should respect yourself and know that nobody can replace you.
He turns on his flashlight and proceeds
The doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern
A man went to God and asked, “What’s the value of life?”
God gave him a stone and told him to figure out its value without selling it.
The man then took the stone to an orange seller and asked about its value.
The orange seller offered 12 oranges for it.
The man refused and told the seller that God asked him not to sell it.
He went to the vegetable seller and also asked him what is the value of that stone.
The vegetable seller offered a sack of potatoes which the man refused too.
Then he proceeded to the jewelry shop and again asked about the value of the stone.
He was offered $100,000 which he refused too.
But the jeweler offered $150,000 again, however the man explained that he should not sell the stone.
In the end, he went to a precious stone shop and again asked about the value of this shiny stone.
The seller saw the ruby, laid it down a red cloth and he put it on it.
He asked the man where he got the stone and told him that he could never be able to purchase it even if he sold the whole world and his own life.
The man was stunned and went back to God and explained to him what happened.
Then he asked God one more time: “What is the value of life?”
To which God replied: “The answers you got from the Orange Seller, the Vegetable Seller, the Jeweler and the Precious Stone’s Seller explain the value of our life…
You may be a precious stone, even priceless, but people may value you based on their level of information, their belief in you, their motive behind entertaining you, their ambition, and their risk taking ability.
But don’t fear, you will surely find someone who will discern your true value.”
In the eyes of God everyone is unique and precious.
You should respect yourself and know that nobody can replace you.
He turns on his flashlight and proceeds
The doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern
27.
Two beggars live in a forest, near a city.
Naturally they are enemies, because they are in the same profession and in competition.
One is blind and one is lame and they are always quarreling about their clients.
You don’t know what beggars say about you they have their clients, they have their territories.
Beggars are continuously fighting there is great struggle and competition.
And those two beggars had been enemies for years, but one day the forest caught fire.
The blind man was perfectly able to walk and run, but it was dangerous.
He could not see whether he was going in the right direction, where there was no fire, or whether he was running through the fire towards more.
The lame man could not run on his own.
And the fire was spreading so fast and the winds were so strong, but he could see that there was still a possibility to get out.
There were a few places where the fire had not reached yet, but soon it would be reaching there.
Soon, they would be covered by fire from all over the place, they both forgot all their antagonism, competition.
This was not the time to fight, this was a time to unite.
And the blind man took upon his shoulders the lame man, and they became one personality.
Now they had eyes and they had legs, both.
The lame man could see, and direct where they had to run, and fast – and which directions had to be avoided.
And the blind man was strong enough to run, carrying the lame man on his shoulders.
They came out of the forest without being injured.
This ancient story is about your mind and your heart.
Your heart can see, but cannot say.
Your mind can say, but cannot see.
If you are capable of bringing your heart and mind closer, your love and logic closer, your experience and expression closer, perhaps mind can also say something significant.
It may not be complete, it may not be an entire expression, but it may be an indication in the right direction.
It may be a finger pointing to the moon.
It may not be the moon, but it can indicate towards the moon.
A Teenage Boy Goes To Church
A Priest & A Lawyer
Two beggars live in a forest, near a city.
Naturally they are enemies, because they are in the same profession and in competition.
One is blind and one is lame and they are always quarreling about their clients.
You don’t know what beggars say about you they have their clients, they have their territories.
Beggars are continuously fighting there is great struggle and competition.
And those two beggars had been enemies for years, but one day the forest caught fire.
The blind man was perfectly able to walk and run, but it was dangerous.
He could not see whether he was going in the right direction, where there was no fire, or whether he was running through the fire towards more.
The lame man could not run on his own.
And the fire was spreading so fast and the winds were so strong, but he could see that there was still a possibility to get out.
There were a few places where the fire had not reached yet, but soon it would be reaching there.
Soon, they would be covered by fire from all over the place, they both forgot all their antagonism, competition.
This was not the time to fight, this was a time to unite.
And the blind man took upon his shoulders the lame man, and they became one personality.
Now they had eyes and they had legs, both.
The lame man could see, and direct where they had to run, and fast – and which directions had to be avoided.
And the blind man was strong enough to run, carrying the lame man on his shoulders.
They came out of the forest without being injured.
This ancient story is about your mind and your heart.
Your heart can see, but cannot say.
Your mind can say, but cannot see.
If you are capable of bringing your heart and mind closer, your love and logic closer, your experience and expression closer, perhaps mind can also say something significant.
It may not be complete, it may not be an entire expression, but it may be an indication in the right direction.
It may be a finger pointing to the moon.
It may not be the moon, but it can indicate towards the moon.
A Teenage Boy Goes To Church
A Priest & A Lawyer
28.
A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.
Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother’s labor pain to the father.
He asked if they were willing to try it out.
They were both very much in favor of it.
The doctor set the pain transfer dial to 10 percent for starters, explaining that even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.
But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch.
The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer.
The husband was still feeling fine.
The doctor checked the husband’s blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing.
At this point they decided to try for 50 percent.
The husband continued to feel quite well since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.
The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain.
She and her husband were ecstatic then, when they got home, the mailman was dead on their porch.
An 18 year old girl tells her Mum
A son took his old father to a restaurant
A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.
Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother’s labor pain to the father.
He asked if they were willing to try it out.
They were both very much in favor of it.
The doctor set the pain transfer dial to 10 percent for starters, explaining that even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.
But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch.
The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer.
The husband was still feeling fine.
The doctor checked the husband’s blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing.
At this point they decided to try for 50 percent.
The husband continued to feel quite well since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.
The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain.
She and her husband were ecstatic then, when they got home, the mailman was dead on their porch.
An 18 year old girl tells her Mum
A son took his old father to a restaurant
29.
A man went to a gift store to buy his girlfriend a pair of gloves.
He had the manager try them on.
She said they were perfect, so he had the manager wrap them up.
When the manager gave him the gift she accidentally gave him a pair of undergarment instead.
When the girlfriend got the gift there was a note attached to it.
The note read: Dear Honey, Hope you like the gift.
The lady at store said they were perfect.
I had her try them on for me.
She looked more like a lady,
I hope you will wear them for me Friday night.
Love, Bobby.
I Gotta Be Drunk
Supermarket Mother
A man went to a gift store to buy his girlfriend a pair of gloves.
He had the manager try them on.
She said they were perfect, so he had the manager wrap them up.
When the manager gave him the gift she accidentally gave him a pair of undergarment instead.
When the girlfriend got the gift there was a note attached to it.
The note read: Dear Honey, Hope you like the gift.
The lady at store said they were perfect.
I had her try them on for me.
She looked more like a lady,
I hope you will wear them for me Friday night.
Love, Bobby.
I Gotta Be Drunk
Supermarket Mother
30.
A man and a woman are sleeping together when suddenly there is a noise in the house,
and the woman rolls over and says, “It’s my husband, you have to leave!”
The man jumps out of bed, jumps through the window, crawls through the bushes, and out on the street, when he realizes something.
He goes back to the house and says to the woman, “Wait, I’m your husband!”
She replies giving him a dirty look, “So why did you run?”
A husband asks his wife
One night at a dance club
A man and a woman are sleeping together when suddenly there is a noise in the house,
and the woman rolls over and says, “It’s my husband, you have to leave!”
The man jumps out of bed, jumps through the window, crawls through the bushes, and out on the street, when he realizes something.
He goes back to the house and says to the woman, “Wait, I’m your husband!”
She replies giving him a dirty look, “So why did you run?”
A husband asks his wife
One night at a dance club
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Eng Jokes