1.
A man and a woman were dating.
She being of a religious nature had held back the worldly pleasure that he wanted from her so bad.
In fact, he had never even seen her undressed.
One day, as they drove down the freeway, she remarked about his slow driving habits.
“I can’t stand it anymore,” she told him.
“Let’s play a game. For every 5 miles per hour over the speed limit you drive, I’ll remove one piece of clothing.
He enthusiastically agreed and speed up the car.
He reached the 55 MPH mark, so she took off her T-shirt.
At 60 off came the pants.
At 65 it was her br** and at 70 her undergarment.
Now seeing her undressed for the first time and travelling faster than he ever had before, he became very excited and lost control of the car.
He veered off the road, went over an embankment and hit a tree.
His girlfriend was not hurt but he was trapped.
She tried to pull him free but alas he was stuck.
“Go to the road and get help,” he said.
“I don’t have anything to cover myself with!” she replied.
The man felt around, but could only reach one of his shoes.
“You’ll have to put this between your legs to cover it up,” he told her.
So she did as he said and went up to the road for help.
Along came a truck driver.
Seeing a undressed, crying woman along the road, he pulled over to hear her story.
“My boyfriend! My boyfriend!” she sobs, “He’s stuck and I can’t pull him out!”
The truck driver looking down at the shoe between her legs replies, “Ma’am, if he’s in that far, I’m afraid he’s a goner!”
A young man asked an old rich man
There is a very special mirror
A man and a woman were dating.
She being of a religious nature had held back the worldly pleasure that he wanted from her so bad.
In fact, he had never even seen her undressed.
One day, as they drove down the freeway, she remarked about his slow driving habits.
“I can’t stand it anymore,” she told him.
“Let’s play a game. For every 5 miles per hour over the speed limit you drive, I’ll remove one piece of clothing.
He enthusiastically agreed and speed up the car.
He reached the 55 MPH mark, so she took off her T-shirt.
At 60 off came the pants.
At 65 it was her br** and at 70 her undergarment.
Now seeing her undressed for the first time and travelling faster than he ever had before, he became very excited and lost control of the car.
He veered off the road, went over an embankment and hit a tree.
His girlfriend was not hurt but he was trapped.
She tried to pull him free but alas he was stuck.
“Go to the road and get help,” he said.
“I don’t have anything to cover myself with!” she replied.
The man felt around, but could only reach one of his shoes.
“You’ll have to put this between your legs to cover it up,” he told her.
So she did as he said and went up to the road for help.
Along came a truck driver.
Seeing a undressed, crying woman along the road, he pulled over to hear her story.
“My boyfriend! My boyfriend!” she sobs, “He’s stuck and I can’t pull him out!”
The truck driver looking down at the shoe between her legs replies, “Ma’am, if he’s in that far, I’m afraid he’s a goner!”
A young man asked an old rich man
There is a very special mirror
2.
A blind man joins them after a few minutes.
When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the 9 kids are able to fit on the bus.
After hearing about the predicament, the blind man lets the children get on instead of him.
The wife asks her husband to take their youngest in the baby carriage and walk home.
Since the blind man had been such a gentleman and let the family get on instead of him, the New Yorker decides that he’ll take a detour and walk the blind man home.
As the bus drove off, the two men started to walk while the baby slept.
After a while, the baby woke up from the sound of the blind man’s stick hitting the sidewalk, and started crying.
The father, already irritated from missing the bus, got even more frustrated.
He said, ”Why don’t you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That sound is driving me crazy!”
The blind man replied, ”If you had put rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we’d be riding the bus!”
little boys were lying on stretchers
A attorney arrived home late
A blind man joins them after a few minutes.
When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the 9 kids are able to fit on the bus.
After hearing about the predicament, the blind man lets the children get on instead of him.
The wife asks her husband to take their youngest in the baby carriage and walk home.
Since the blind man had been such a gentleman and let the family get on instead of him, the New Yorker decides that he’ll take a detour and walk the blind man home.
As the bus drove off, the two men started to walk while the baby slept.
After a while, the baby woke up from the sound of the blind man’s stick hitting the sidewalk, and started crying.
The father, already irritated from missing the bus, got even more frustrated.
He said, ”Why don’t you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That sound is driving me crazy!”
The blind man replied, ”If you had put rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we’d be riding the bus!”
little boys were lying on stretchers
A attorney arrived home late
3.
Three old men are talking about their aches, pains and bodily dysfunctions.
One 75-year-old man says: “I have this problem. I wake up every morning at 7 a.m. and it takes me 20 minutes to pee.”
An 80-year-old man says: “My case is worse. I get up at 8 a.m. and I sit there and grunt and groan for half an hour before I finally have a bowel movement.”
The 90-year-old man says: “Not me. At 7 a.m. I pee like a horse and at 8 a.m. I crap like a cow.”
“So what’s your problem?” asked the others.
“I don’t wake up until 9:00.”
A woman takes her daughter to doctor
A pastor told the congregation
Three old men are talking about their aches, pains and bodily dysfunctions.
One 75-year-old man says: “I have this problem. I wake up every morning at 7 a.m. and it takes me 20 minutes to pee.”
An 80-year-old man says: “My case is worse. I get up at 8 a.m. and I sit there and grunt and groan for half an hour before I finally have a bowel movement.”
The 90-year-old man says: “Not me. At 7 a.m. I pee like a horse and at 8 a.m. I crap like a cow.”
“So what’s your problem?” asked the others.
“I don’t wake up until 9:00.”
A woman takes her daughter to doctor
A pastor told the congregation
4.
A man goes inside a pet shop and starts to move around the cages to scout the pets.
He sees a monkey with a price of 5000$ and goes to the merchant to ask for details.
Hey mister, the monkey…what does it know to worth that much money?
Well, it knows Windows 95, 98, 2000, and also knows Word, C++, Visual Basic and last but not least, it knows how to play computer games.
Good monkey, it’s worth the money.
He goes and finds another monkey with a price of 10000$ and again he will ask the merchant.
“What does this monkey know?”
“It knows Linux, Unix, Co rel and Auto-cad.”
“Nice, even I don’t know those things.”
On a last scout run he finds another monkey just sitting there with a price 20000$.
The story repeats, and he goes with a lack of confidence to ask the merchant for details.
“And what does this monkey do for that ridiculous amount of money?”
“I never saw her doing anything, but the other two call her Project Manager!”
A security guard has a dream
The bank robber
A man goes inside a pet shop and starts to move around the cages to scout the pets.
He sees a monkey with a price of 5000$ and goes to the merchant to ask for details.
Hey mister, the monkey…what does it know to worth that much money?
Well, it knows Windows 95, 98, 2000, and also knows Word, C++, Visual Basic and last but not least, it knows how to play computer games.
Good monkey, it’s worth the money.
He goes and finds another monkey with a price of 10000$ and again he will ask the merchant.
“What does this monkey know?”
“It knows Linux, Unix, Co rel and Auto-cad.”
“Nice, even I don’t know those things.”
On a last scout run he finds another monkey just sitting there with a price 20000$.
The story repeats, and he goes with a lack of confidence to ask the merchant for details.
“And what does this monkey do for that ridiculous amount of money?”
“I never saw her doing anything, but the other two call her Project Manager!”
A security guard has a dream
The bank robber
5.
A rather old fashioned lady, always quite delicate and elegant, especially in her language, was planning a weeks holiday in Sydney with her husband, so she wrote to a particular camping ground and asked for a reservation.
She wanted to make sure that the camping ground was fully equipped, but didn’t know quite how to ask about the toilet facilities.
She just couldn’t bring herself to write the word “toilet” in her letter.
After much thought, she finally came up with the old fashioned term “Bathroom closet” but when she wrote it down, she still thought she was being too forward, so she started all over again, rewrote the letter, and referred to the bathroom closet as the B.C.
“Does the camping ground have its own B.C.” is what she wrote.
Well, the camping ground owner was not old fashioned, and he just couldn’t figure out what the old lady was talking about.
So he showed the letter around a few of the campers and the only thing they could come up with was that B.C
stood for Baptist Church, so he wrote the following reply:
Dear Madam,
I regret very much the delay in answering your letter, but I now take the pleasure of informing you that a B.C is located nine miles north of our camping ground, and is capable of seating 250 people at one time.
I admit that it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of campers go there and many take their lunches along and make a day of it.
They usually arrive nice and early and stay quite late.
The last time my wife and I went was six years ago, and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there.
It may interest you to know that there is a special supper planned there to raise money to buy more seats so that everyone will be able to sit in comfort.
I would like to say that it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly, but it is surely no lack of desire on my part, just that I am so busy most of the time.
As we grow older, it seems to be more of an effort to go, especially in the cold weather.
If you decide to come down to our camping ground perhaps I could go with you the first time you go, sit with you and introduce you to all the other folks.
Remember this is a very friendly community.
I need to inspect your ranch
A elderly Irish farmer
A rather old fashioned lady, always quite delicate and elegant, especially in her language, was planning a weeks holiday in Sydney with her husband, so she wrote to a particular camping ground and asked for a reservation.
She wanted to make sure that the camping ground was fully equipped, but didn’t know quite how to ask about the toilet facilities.
She just couldn’t bring herself to write the word “toilet” in her letter.
After much thought, she finally came up with the old fashioned term “Bathroom closet” but when she wrote it down, she still thought she was being too forward, so she started all over again, rewrote the letter, and referred to the bathroom closet as the B.C.
“Does the camping ground have its own B.C.” is what she wrote.
Well, the camping ground owner was not old fashioned, and he just couldn’t figure out what the old lady was talking about.
So he showed the letter around a few of the campers and the only thing they could come up with was that B.C
stood for Baptist Church, so he wrote the following reply:
Dear Madam,
I regret very much the delay in answering your letter, but I now take the pleasure of informing you that a B.C is located nine miles north of our camping ground, and is capable of seating 250 people at one time.
I admit that it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of campers go there and many take their lunches along and make a day of it.
They usually arrive nice and early and stay quite late.
The last time my wife and I went was six years ago, and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there.
It may interest you to know that there is a special supper planned there to raise money to buy more seats so that everyone will be able to sit in comfort.
I would like to say that it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly, but it is surely no lack of desire on my part, just that I am so busy most of the time.
As we grow older, it seems to be more of an effort to go, especially in the cold weather.
If you decide to come down to our camping ground perhaps I could go with you the first time you go, sit with you and introduce you to all the other folks.
Remember this is a very friendly community.
I need to inspect your ranch
A elderly Irish farmer
6.
A man took his pregnant wife to the hospital.
The doctor looked her over and told them it would be a rather difficult delivery.
He offered to let the couple try an experimental procedure.
The woman would be connected to a machine that would transfer part of the pain to the father of the baby,
thus reducing her own.
The man quickly agreed.
The doctor warned him, though, that there was a slight bug in the machine that caused it to amplify the pain sent to the father by ten times, and if the pain became too much for to bear would he please let the doctor know.
The doctor turned on the machine and watched the man.
The man said he felt absolutely fine and he could take more.
The doctor turned the dial up to 40, 60, 80, and finally 100% of the pain, times ten.
The woman delivered the baby painlessly and the doctor stared at the man, astonished at how he could not even flinch with that much pain brought upon him.
The couple took the new baby home.
There, on the front step, the mailman lay dead.
This woman’s husband had been slipping
Three guys are sitting around the campfire
A man took his pregnant wife to the hospital.
The doctor looked her over and told them it would be a rather difficult delivery.
He offered to let the couple try an experimental procedure.
The woman would be connected to a machine that would transfer part of the pain to the father of the baby,
thus reducing her own.
The man quickly agreed.
The doctor warned him, though, that there was a slight bug in the machine that caused it to amplify the pain sent to the father by ten times, and if the pain became too much for to bear would he please let the doctor know.
The doctor turned on the machine and watched the man.
The man said he felt absolutely fine and he could take more.
The doctor turned the dial up to 40, 60, 80, and finally 100% of the pain, times ten.
The woman delivered the baby painlessly and the doctor stared at the man, astonished at how he could not even flinch with that much pain brought upon him.
The couple took the new baby home.
There, on the front step, the mailman lay dead.
This woman’s husband had been slipping
Three guys are sitting around the campfire
7.
A drunken man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her.
She jumped up and slapped him silly.
He immediately apologized and explained, “I’m sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her.”
“Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!” she screamed.
“Funny,” he muttered, “you even sound exactly like her.”
Two men got out of their cars after they collided
After Brian proposed to Jill
A drunken man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her.
She jumped up and slapped him silly.
He immediately apologized and explained, “I’m sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her.”
“Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!” she screamed.
“Funny,” he muttered, “you even sound exactly like her.”
Two men got out of their cars after they collided
After Brian proposed to Jill
8.
Grandpa and Grandma always got very excited when they recalled the old days they were together.
They made a decision, one day to make it,..
“yesterday once more”.
They made a date on the riverbank they used to go when they were young.
The next day, Grandpa got up 6 a.m. in the morning,
dashed to the bank, picked up a big bunch of wild flowers before sunrise,
waited there for his sweetheart to come.
But grandpa ended in disappointment grandma never showed up even after sunset.
Grandpa went home in such anger.
He opened the door, seeing grandma lying on the sofa with her pillow.
He threw the flowers on the floor and questioned:
“Why didn’t you come to our date?”
Grandma hid her head in the pillow and replied shyly
“Mom didn’t allow me to go…”
An elderly, faithful man died
A group of racist Americans
Grandpa and Grandma always got very excited when they recalled the old days they were together.
They made a decision, one day to make it,..
“yesterday once more”.
They made a date on the riverbank they used to go when they were young.
The next day, Grandpa got up 6 a.m. in the morning,
dashed to the bank, picked up a big bunch of wild flowers before sunrise,
waited there for his sweetheart to come.
But grandpa ended in disappointment grandma never showed up even after sunset.
Grandpa went home in such anger.
He opened the door, seeing grandma lying on the sofa with her pillow.
He threw the flowers on the floor and questioned:
“Why didn’t you come to our date?”
Grandma hid her head in the pillow and replied shyly
“Mom didn’t allow me to go…”
An elderly, faithful man died
A group of racist Americans
9.
A grandmother was surprised when she woke up to a cup of coffee from her 8-year-old grandson Johnny.
She gulped down the most bitter coffee she has ever tasted but she downs it all because she wants her grandson to feel like he made something his grandma loved.
At the bottom of the cup, she found three little green army men.
Puzzled, she asked, “Honey, what are these toys doing in my coffee?”
The boy replied “I’m just doing what it says on the TV, grandma
“The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup.”
A man enters a barber shop
A man was sitting on the edge
A grandmother was surprised when she woke up to a cup of coffee from her 8-year-old grandson Johnny.
She gulped down the most bitter coffee she has ever tasted but she downs it all because she wants her grandson to feel like he made something his grandma loved.
At the bottom of the cup, she found three little green army men.
Puzzled, she asked, “Honey, what are these toys doing in my coffee?”
The boy replied “I’m just doing what it says on the TV, grandma
“The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup.”
A man enters a barber shop
A man was sitting on the edge
10.
A guy asked a girl in a university library: “Do you mind if I sit beside you?”
The girl replied with a loud voice: “I DON’T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!”
All the students in the library started staring at the guy; he was truly embarrassed.
After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy’s table and said: “I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?”
The guy then responded with a loud voice: “$500 FOR ONE NIGHT!? THAT’S TOO MUCH!”
All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.
The guy whispered in her ear: “I study law, and I know how to bang people.”
Two man decide to go duck hunting
A teacher was working with a group of children
A guy asked a girl in a university library: “Do you mind if I sit beside you?”
The girl replied with a loud voice: “I DON’T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!”
All the students in the library started staring at the guy; he was truly embarrassed.
After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy’s table and said: “I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?”
The guy then responded with a loud voice: “$500 FOR ONE NIGHT!? THAT’S TOO MUCH!”
All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.
The guy whispered in her ear: “I study law, and I know how to bang people.”
Two man decide to go duck hunting
A teacher was working with a group of children
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11.
Three babies are in their mother’s womb.
One of them says, “I want to be an artist, so everyone will know what it looks like in here.”
The next one says, “I want to be an Olympic swimmer because I get so much practice in here.”
Then the last baby says,” I’m going to be a hunter, because if that snake comes in here and pokes me again I’m gonna chop that damned thing in half!”
A man goes to confess
Two turtles walk into a bar
Three babies are in their mother’s womb.
One of them says, “I want to be an artist, so everyone will know what it looks like in here.”
The next one says, “I want to be an Olympic swimmer because I get so much practice in here.”
Then the last baby says,” I’m going to be a hunter, because if that snake comes in here and pokes me again I’m gonna chop that damned thing in half!”
A man goes to confess
Two turtles walk into a bar
12.
A Wild Boar was sharpening his tusks busily against the stump of a tree, when a Fox happened by.
Now the Fox was always looking for a chance to make fun of his neighbors.
So he made a great show of looking anxiously about, as if in fear of some hidden enemy
But the Boar kept right on with his work.
“Why are you doing that?” asked the Fox at last with a grin.
“There isn’t any danger that I can see.”
“True enough,” replied the Boar, “but when danger does come there will not be time for such work as this my weapons will have to be ready for use then, or I shall suffer for it.”
Moral: Preparedness for war is the best guarantee of peace.
The manager of a men’s clothing store
The old man and young man
A Wild Boar was sharpening his tusks busily against the stump of a tree, when a Fox happened by.
Now the Fox was always looking for a chance to make fun of his neighbors.
So he made a great show of looking anxiously about, as if in fear of some hidden enemy
But the Boar kept right on with his work.
“Why are you doing that?” asked the Fox at last with a grin.
“There isn’t any danger that I can see.”
“True enough,” replied the Boar, “but when danger does come there will not be time for such work as this my weapons will have to be ready for use then, or I shall suffer for it.”
Moral: Preparedness for war is the best guarantee of peace.
The manager of a men’s clothing store
The old man and young man
13.
Two man, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar drinking shot after shot.
The Indian man said to the American, “You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven’t even met once. We call this arranged marriage.
I don’t want to marry a woman whom I don’t love… I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems.”
The American said, “Talking about love marriages… I’ll tell you my story.
I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years.
After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father’s father-in-law.
My daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother.
More problems occurred when I had a son.
My son is my father’s brother and so he is my uncle.
Situations turned worse when my father had a son.
Now my father’s son i.e. my brother is my grandson.
Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson.
And you say you have family problems?”
He goes to a witch in the woods
Two Polish guys were taking
Two man, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar drinking shot after shot.
The Indian man said to the American, “You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven’t even met once. We call this arranged marriage.
I don’t want to marry a woman whom I don’t love… I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems.”
The American said, “Talking about love marriages… I’ll tell you my story.
I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years.
After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father’s father-in-law.
My daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother.
More problems occurred when I had a son.
My son is my father’s brother and so he is my uncle.
Situations turned worse when my father had a son.
Now my father’s son i.e. my brother is my grandson.
Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson.
And you say you have family problems?”
He goes to a witch in the woods
Two Polish guys were taking
14.
Two businessmen were taking a break while setting up their soon-to-open store’s shelving units.
There they sat, in the middle of nothing but empty shelves.
One said, “I bet any minute now some smart alack will stick his head in the door and ask what we’re selling.”
Within minutes, a man did just that, “Hey, boys, whack a selling’?”
One businessmen responded sarcastically, “We’re selling bastard.”
Without missing a beat, the man rejoined, “Looks like business is good; ya only got two left!”
A man boards a flight
The nurse was walking down
Two businessmen were taking a break while setting up their soon-to-open store’s shelving units.
There they sat, in the middle of nothing but empty shelves.
One said, “I bet any minute now some smart alack will stick his head in the door and ask what we’re selling.”
Within minutes, a man did just that, “Hey, boys, whack a selling’?”
One businessmen responded sarcastically, “We’re selling bastard.”
Without missing a beat, the man rejoined, “Looks like business is good; ya only got two left!”
A man boards a flight
The nurse was walking down
15.
A newly married Italian couple is spending their honeymoon in the bride’s mother’s country cottage.
It’s the 1930s the bride’s father died long ago, and they don’t have much money so this is the best they can do.
The new bride, a lovely young woman, has never left her village and never been with a man before.
Her new husband sits alone upstairs while she tells her mother how nervous and scared she is to be with a man for the first time.
“You-a don’t-a worry” Her mother tells her “I stay here and make-a the spaghetti, you go upstairs and have-a some fun”
The young woman goes upstairs and readied herself to consummate her marriage.
Her husband, sitting on the bed smiling begins to remove his shirt.
Having never seen a hairy chest before, the young bride gets frightened and runs downstairs.
“Momma!” she says “It’s-a so scary! He has-a the hair on his-a chest-a.”
“Calm down, little one” her mother says, stirring the sauce.
“Everything-a gonna be-a alright. I stay here and make-a the spaghetti, you go-a upstairs and have-a some fun”
So the young bride goes back upstairs.
Her new husband takes off his shoes, and pulls down his pants.
Having never seen hairy legs before, she gets scared and runs back downstairs.
“Oh-a momma!” she cries “It’s-a so scary! He has-a the hair on his legs-a”
“It’s-a OK,” her mother says in a calming voice.
“I stay here-a and make-a the spaghetti. You-a go upstairs and have-a some fun.”
So the bride goes back upstairs.
Her new husband is now wearing only his underwear and socks.
She stands in the doorway, gathered herself and smiles at her groom.
He sits on the bed and removes his socks.
However, the man had fought in the Great War and was injured by a landmine.
It blew off all of his toes and part of his left foot.
The new bride knowing this was not normal cried out in fear and ran back downstairs.
“Momma! Momma! she screams. It’s-a so scary! Oh my god-a momma, I never seen-a anything like it before-a. You won’t believe it momma, but he has a foot and a half!”
The mother stops stirring her sauce and looks up at her daughter in disbelief.
After a short pause she says “OK dear, don’t-a worry. You stay here-a and make-a the spaghetti…..I go upstairs and have-a some fun”
A wife asked her husband to drop
A couple had been married for 40 years
A newly married Italian couple is spending their honeymoon in the bride’s mother’s country cottage.
It’s the 1930s the bride’s father died long ago, and they don’t have much money so this is the best they can do.
The new bride, a lovely young woman, has never left her village and never been with a man before.
Her new husband sits alone upstairs while she tells her mother how nervous and scared she is to be with a man for the first time.
“You-a don’t-a worry” Her mother tells her “I stay here and make-a the spaghetti, you go upstairs and have-a some fun”
The young woman goes upstairs and readied herself to consummate her marriage.
Her husband, sitting on the bed smiling begins to remove his shirt.
Having never seen a hairy chest before, the young bride gets frightened and runs downstairs.
“Momma!” she says “It’s-a so scary! He has-a the hair on his-a chest-a.”
“Calm down, little one” her mother says, stirring the sauce.
“Everything-a gonna be-a alright. I stay here and make-a the spaghetti, you go-a upstairs and have-a some fun”
So the young bride goes back upstairs.
Her new husband takes off his shoes, and pulls down his pants.
Having never seen hairy legs before, she gets scared and runs back downstairs.
“Oh-a momma!” she cries “It’s-a so scary! He has-a the hair on his legs-a”
“It’s-a OK,” her mother says in a calming voice.
“I stay here-a and make-a the spaghetti. You-a go upstairs and have-a some fun.”
So the bride goes back upstairs.
Her new husband is now wearing only his underwear and socks.
She stands in the doorway, gathered herself and smiles at her groom.
He sits on the bed and removes his socks.
However, the man had fought in the Great War and was injured by a landmine.
It blew off all of his toes and part of his left foot.
The new bride knowing this was not normal cried out in fear and ran back downstairs.
“Momma! Momma! she screams. It’s-a so scary! Oh my god-a momma, I never seen-a anything like it before-a. You won’t believe it momma, but he has a foot and a half!”
The mother stops stirring her sauce and looks up at her daughter in disbelief.
After a short pause she says “OK dear, don’t-a worry. You stay here-a and make-a the spaghetti…..I go upstairs and have-a some fun”
A wife asked her husband to drop
A couple had been married for 40 years
16.
A blonde was so upset about everyone always making fun of her being blonde that she decided to hang herself.
A little while later, a couple of guys walk by and see her hanging by her wrists.
“What are you doing?” They ask her.
“I’m hanging myself.” She said.
The men were confused.
Then one of them said, “If you’re trying to hang yourself, you’re supposed to put the rope around your neck.
“Duh,” she said. “I tried that and I couldn’t breath.”
A old lady in a nursing home
A woman goes into a toy shop
A blonde was so upset about everyone always making fun of her being blonde that she decided to hang herself.
A little while later, a couple of guys walk by and see her hanging by her wrists.
“What are you doing?” They ask her.
“I’m hanging myself.” She said.
The men were confused.
Then one of them said, “If you’re trying to hang yourself, you’re supposed to put the rope around your neck.
“Duh,” she said. “I tried that and I couldn’t breath.”
A old lady in a nursing home
A woman goes into a toy shop
17.
A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven.
St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them.
“Come with me”, said St. Peter to the taxi driver.
The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter to a mansion.
It had anything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an Olympic size pool.
“Wow, thank you.”, said the taxi driver.
Next, St. Peter led the priest to a rugged old shack with a bunk bed and a little old television set.
“Wait, I think you are a little mixed up.”, said the priest.
“Shouldn’t I be the one who gets the mansion? After all I was a priest, went to church every day, and preached God’s word.”
“Yes, that’s true. But during your sermons people slept. When the taxi driver drove, everyone prayed!”
Saturday morning I got up early
One common question was asked to all
A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven.
St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them.
“Come with me”, said St. Peter to the taxi driver.
The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter to a mansion.
It had anything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an Olympic size pool.
“Wow, thank you.”, said the taxi driver.
Next, St. Peter led the priest to a rugged old shack with a bunk bed and a little old television set.
“Wait, I think you are a little mixed up.”, said the priest.
“Shouldn’t I be the one who gets the mansion? After all I was a priest, went to church every day, and preached God’s word.”
“Yes, that’s true. But during your sermons people slept. When the taxi driver drove, everyone prayed!”
Saturday morning I got up early
One common question was asked to all
18.
Little Johnny and his father were walking in the park.
They saw two dogs having lovemaking.
Little Johnny asks, “What are they doing, dad?”
Dad replies, “They’re making puppies.”
Later that evening little Johnny walks into his parents bedroom and they are having lovemaking.
He asks, “What are you doing?”
Dad replies, “We’re making a baby.”
Little Johnny replies, “Well, can you turn her over? I want puppies.”
A man and his wife go to their honeymoon
A elderly couple had been dating
Little Johnny and his father were walking in the park.
They saw two dogs having lovemaking.
Little Johnny asks, “What are they doing, dad?”
Dad replies, “They’re making puppies.”
Later that evening little Johnny walks into his parents bedroom and they are having lovemaking.
He asks, “What are you doing?”
Dad replies, “We’re making a baby.”
Little Johnny replies, “Well, can you turn her over? I want puppies.”
A man and his wife go to their honeymoon
A elderly couple had been dating
19.
A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there.
The lawyer replied, “Remember that lousy real estate I bought?
Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire insurance proceeds
What are you doing here?”
The doctor replied, “Remember that lousy real estate I had in Mississippi?
Well, the river overflowed, and here I am with the flood insurance proceeds.”
he lawyer looked puzzled
“Gee,” he asked, “how did you start the flood?”
The rain was pouring
Lying in the hospital bed a dying man
A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there.
The lawyer replied, “Remember that lousy real estate I bought?
Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire insurance proceeds
What are you doing here?”
The doctor replied, “Remember that lousy real estate I had in Mississippi?
Well, the river overflowed, and here I am with the flood insurance proceeds.”
he lawyer looked puzzled
“Gee,” he asked, “how did you start the flood?”
The rain was pouring
Lying in the hospital bed a dying man
20.
A panel of doctors was asked for their opinions concerning a proposal to build a new wing to their hospital.
This was what they said: The Allergists could barely breathe for the shock.
The Dermatologists preferred no rash moves be made.
The Psychiatrists thought the whole thing was deluded.
The Radiologists could see right through it.
The Gastroenterologists had a gut feeling about it being a bad idea;
The whole thing gave them a stomach ache.
The Neurologists thought the administration had a big brain idea.
The Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted but rectifiable.
The Pathologists yelled, “Over my dead body.” while hiding behind a patient.
The Pediatricians said, “Grow up!”, then held their breath until blue.
The Plastic Surgeons said this was a stretch.
The Podiatrists were afraid it was the wrong step.
The Urologists felt they were pissing away money.
The Anesthesiologists thought it was a pipe dream.
The Cardiologists didn’t have the heart to say no… And the Surgeons weren’t even allowed to cut.
A newly married Liam
Three women were sitting in a bar
A panel of doctors was asked for their opinions concerning a proposal to build a new wing to their hospital.
This was what they said: The Allergists could barely breathe for the shock.
The Dermatologists preferred no rash moves be made.
The Psychiatrists thought the whole thing was deluded.
The Radiologists could see right through it.
The Gastroenterologists had a gut feeling about it being a bad idea;
The whole thing gave them a stomach ache.
The Neurologists thought the administration had a big brain idea.
The Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted but rectifiable.
The Pathologists yelled, “Over my dead body.” while hiding behind a patient.
The Pediatricians said, “Grow up!”, then held their breath until blue.
The Plastic Surgeons said this was a stretch.
The Podiatrists were afraid it was the wrong step.
The Urologists felt they were pissing away money.
The Anesthesiologists thought it was a pipe dream.
The Cardiologists didn’t have the heart to say no… And the Surgeons weren’t even allowed to cut.
A newly married Liam
Three women were sitting in a bar
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21.
A man went to his doctor and asked him how to prolong the lovemaking experience.
The doctor told him that before make love often helped men last longer, extending the pleasure for them and their partner.
The man decided, “What the hell, I’ll try it.”
He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it.
He couldn’t do it in his office.
He thought about the restroom, but that was too open.
He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe. Finally, he came up with a plan…
On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway.
He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck.
Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to self enjoyment.
He closed his eyes and thought of his lover.
As he grew closer to peek, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants.
Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the peek, he kept his eyes shut and replied, “What?”
He heard, “This is the police. What’s going on down there?”
The man replied, “I’m checking out the rear axle, it’s busted.”
Came the reply, “Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you’re down there, because your truck rolled down the hill five minutes ago.”
Sally a blonde was seen going
A little old lady came running towards
A man went to his doctor and asked him how to prolong the lovemaking experience.
The doctor told him that before make love often helped men last longer, extending the pleasure for them and their partner.
The man decided, “What the hell, I’ll try it.”
He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it.
He couldn’t do it in his office.
He thought about the restroom, but that was too open.
He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe. Finally, he came up with a plan…
On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway.
He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck.
Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to self enjoyment.
He closed his eyes and thought of his lover.
As he grew closer to peek, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants.
Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the peek, he kept his eyes shut and replied, “What?”
He heard, “This is the police. What’s going on down there?”
The man replied, “I’m checking out the rear axle, it’s busted.”
Came the reply, “Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you’re down there, because your truck rolled down the hill five minutes ago.”
Sally a blonde was seen going
A little old lady came running towards
22.
A father put his 3-year-old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying,
“God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa.”
The father asked, ‘Why did you say goodbye Grandpa?’
The little girl said, “I don’t know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do.”
The next day Grandpa died.
The father thought it was a strange coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this,
“God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma..”
The next day the grandmother died.
“Holy crap” thought the father, “this kid is in contact with the other side.”
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say,
“God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy.”
He practically went into shock.
He couldn’t sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office.
He was nervous as a cat all day had lunch and watched the clock.
He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.
He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound.
Finally, midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said,
“I’ve never seen you work so late. What’s the matter?”
He said, “I don’t want to talk about it, I’ve just spent the worst day of my life.”
She said, “You think you had a bad day, you’ll never believe what happened to me.
This morning my golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my lesson!”
Grandpa was telling his grandson
Johnny was told by his friends
A father put his 3-year-old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying,
“God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa.”
The father asked, ‘Why did you say goodbye Grandpa?’
The little girl said, “I don’t know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do.”
The next day Grandpa died.
The father thought it was a strange coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this,
“God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma..”
The next day the grandmother died.
“Holy crap” thought the father, “this kid is in contact with the other side.”
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say,
“God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy.”
He practically went into shock.
He couldn’t sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office.
He was nervous as a cat all day had lunch and watched the clock.
He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.
He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound.
Finally, midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said,
“I’ve never seen you work so late. What’s the matter?”
He said, “I don’t want to talk about it, I’ve just spent the worst day of my life.”
She said, “You think you had a bad day, you’ll never believe what happened to me.
This morning my golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my lesson!”
Grandpa was telling his grandson
Johnny was told by his friends
23.
Teacher: “If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven.”
Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven.”
Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Six.”
Teacher: “Good
Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven!”
Teacher: “Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!”
Johnny: “Because I’ve already got a freaking cat!”
Darryl and Harold were the best patients
During camouflage training
Teacher: “If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven.”
Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven.”
Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Six.”
Teacher: “Good
Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven!”
Teacher: “Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!”
Johnny: “Because I’ve already got a freaking cat!”
Darryl and Harold were the best patients
During camouflage training
24.
Few years have passed and Sally and Meg finally meet after a long time not seeing each other.
Seeing her friend Sally wearing a new locket, Meg asks.
“If there is a memento of some sort inside.”
“Yes,” says Sally, “a look of my husband’s hair.”
“But Larry’s still alive.”
“I know, but his hair is gone.”
The visiting church school supervisor asks
A blonde was suffering
Few years have passed and Sally and Meg finally meet after a long time not seeing each other.
Seeing her friend Sally wearing a new locket, Meg asks.
“If there is a memento of some sort inside.”
“Yes,” says Sally, “a look of my husband’s hair.”
“But Larry’s still alive.”
“I know, but his hair is gone.”
The visiting church school supervisor asks
A blonde was suffering
25.
A beautiful innocent young girl wants to meet Santa Claus.
So she puts on a robe and stays up late on Christmas Eve.
Santa arrives, climbs down the chimney, and begins filling the socks.
He is about to leave when the girl says in a cute voice,
“Oh Santa, please stay.”
Santa replies, “HO HO HO, Gotta go, gotta go, Gotta get the presents to the children, you know.”
The girl drops the robe to reveal a corset and underwear and says in an even nice voice,
“Oh Santa, please stay.”
Santa replies, “HO HO HO, Gotta go, Gotta go, Gotta get the presents to the children, you know.”
Santa begins to sweat.
The girl takes off her corset and says, “Oh Santa… Please… Stay.”
Santa replies, “HO HO HO, Gotta go,
Gotta go, gotta get the presents to the children, you know.”
Santa wipes his brow.
She loses the underwear and says, “Oh Santa… Please… Stay…”
Santa, with sweat pouring off his brow says,
“HEY HEY HEY, Gotta stay, Gotta stay, Can’t get up the chimney with my pecker this way!
The husband is in the bathroom shaving
Johnny down to the pond to get some water
A beautiful innocent young girl wants to meet Santa Claus.
So she puts on a robe and stays up late on Christmas Eve.
Santa arrives, climbs down the chimney, and begins filling the socks.
He is about to leave when the girl says in a cute voice,
“Oh Santa, please stay.”
Santa replies, “HO HO HO, Gotta go, gotta go, Gotta get the presents to the children, you know.”
The girl drops the robe to reveal a corset and underwear and says in an even nice voice,
“Oh Santa, please stay.”
Santa replies, “HO HO HO, Gotta go, Gotta go, Gotta get the presents to the children, you know.”
Santa begins to sweat.
The girl takes off her corset and says, “Oh Santa… Please… Stay.”
Santa replies, “HO HO HO, Gotta go,
Gotta go, gotta get the presents to the children, you know.”
Santa wipes his brow.
She loses the underwear and says, “Oh Santa… Please… Stay…”
Santa, with sweat pouring off his brow says,
“HEY HEY HEY, Gotta stay, Gotta stay, Can’t get up the chimney with my pecker this way!
The husband is in the bathroom shaving
Johnny down to the pond to get some water
26.
Two hunters, Paul and Kurt, were in a lodge, making small talk. Paul asked Kurt, “So, what do you hunt?”
Kurt answered, “I hunt unicorns.”
Paul was startled, but said, “Really? How do you do that?”
Kurt replied, “I find a pure and hire her to help me.
The pure sits around in the woods until a unicorn comes to her. When it does, it sets off a snare.”
Paul said, “Boy, they must be hard to find. I’ve heard of them, but I’ve never seen one.”
Kurt said, “Yeah, and there aren’t many unicorns around, either!”
Three elderly gentlemen were talking
Three women were sitting around
Two hunters, Paul and Kurt, were in a lodge, making small talk. Paul asked Kurt, “So, what do you hunt?”
Kurt answered, “I hunt unicorns.”
Paul was startled, but said, “Really? How do you do that?”
Kurt replied, “I find a pure and hire her to help me.
The pure sits around in the woods until a unicorn comes to her. When it does, it sets off a snare.”
Paul said, “Boy, they must be hard to find. I’ve heard of them, but I’ve never seen one.”
Kurt said, “Yeah, and there aren’t many unicorns around, either!”
Three elderly gentlemen were talking
Three women were sitting around
27.
A couple in their 80’s were having problems remembering things, so they decided to the go the doctor for a checkup.
The doctor tells them that they are physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.
His wife asks, “Where are you going?” “To the kitchen for a drink,” he replies.
She asks, ” Will you get me piece of cake?”
The husband says, “Sure.”
She gently reminds him, “Don’t you think you should write it down so you don’t forget it?”
He says, “No, I can certainly remember that!”
Then the woman says,
“Well, I’d like some strawberries on top. You’d better write it down because I know you’ll forget it.”
The man replies, “I can remember that! You want some cake with strawberries.”
She adds, “I’d also like whipped cream on top. Now I’m certain you’re gonna forget that, so you’d better write it down ok.”
Irritated, he says, “I don’t need to write it down woman! I can remember that! Cake with strawberries! And whipped cream!”
He then grumbles into the kitchen.
After about 30 minutes the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.
She stares at the plate for a moment and says, “Where’s my toast?”
A girl is sitting on the couch with her grandpa
A man and a woman were fast asleep in bed
A couple in their 80’s were having problems remembering things, so they decided to the go the doctor for a checkup.
The doctor tells them that they are physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.
His wife asks, “Where are you going?” “To the kitchen for a drink,” he replies.
She asks, ” Will you get me piece of cake?”
The husband says, “Sure.”
She gently reminds him, “Don’t you think you should write it down so you don’t forget it?”
He says, “No, I can certainly remember that!”
Then the woman says,
“Well, I’d like some strawberries on top. You’d better write it down because I know you’ll forget it.”
The man replies, “I can remember that! You want some cake with strawberries.”
She adds, “I’d also like whipped cream on top. Now I’m certain you’re gonna forget that, so you’d better write it down ok.”
Irritated, he says, “I don’t need to write it down woman! I can remember that! Cake with strawberries! And whipped cream!”
He then grumbles into the kitchen.
After about 30 minutes the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.
She stares at the plate for a moment and says, “Where’s my toast?”
A girl is sitting on the couch with her grandpa
A man and a woman were fast asleep in bed
28.
A maid asks the lady of the house for a raise.
“Why on Earth do you think you deserve that?” the lady asks.
Because your husband says I cook better than you ever did.
“Oh does he now? Well, that’s not enough, why else?” the lady asks.
“He also says I clean better than you ever did” the maid says.
“I shall give him a piece of my mind later then, but that’s still not enough to get a rise from me,” the lady replies.
“OK, I better in bed than you too.”
“WHAT!” screamed the lady.
“How dare you. And did my husband tell you that too?”
“No,” says the maid:
“It was the gardener, and now I think we can settle on double my rate.”
A teacher was helping one of her kids
Two old women are discussing
A maid asks the lady of the house for a raise.
“Why on Earth do you think you deserve that?” the lady asks.
Because your husband says I cook better than you ever did.
“Oh does he now? Well, that’s not enough, why else?” the lady asks.
“He also says I clean better than you ever did” the maid says.
“I shall give him a piece of my mind later then, but that’s still not enough to get a rise from me,” the lady replies.
“OK, I better in bed than you too.”
“WHAT!” screamed the lady.
“How dare you. And did my husband tell you that too?”
“No,” says the maid:
“It was the gardener, and now I think we can settle on double my rate.”
A teacher was helping one of her kids
Two old women are discussing
29.
Three bulls heard that the rancher was going to bring another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them.
The first bull says, “Boys, we all know I’ve been here for 5 years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I don’t know where this newcomer is going to get HIS cows, but I ain’t’ giving’ him any of mine.”
The second bull says, “That pretty much says it for me, too. I’ve been here 3 years and have earned my right to the 50 cows we’ve agreed are mine. I’ll fight him till I run him off or kill ‘I’m, but I’M KEEPING’ ALL MY COWS.”
The third bull says, “I’ve only been here a year, and so far you guys have only let me have 10 cows to “take care of”. I may not be as big as you fellows yet, but I am young and virile, so I simply MUST keep all MY cows.”
They had just finished their big talk when an eighteen-wheeler pulls up in the middle of the pasture with only ONE ANIMAL IN IT: the biggest Son-of-Another-Bull these guys had ever seen!
At 4700 pounds, each step he took toward the ground strained the steel ramp to the breaking point.
The first bull says, “Ahem…You know, it’s actually been some time since I really felt I was doing all my cow’s justice, anyway. I think I can spare a few for our new friend.”
The second bull says, “I’ll have plenty of cows to take care of if I just stay on the opposite end of the pasture from HIM. I’m certainly not looking for an argument.”
They look over at their young friend, the third bull, and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns, and snorting up a storm.
The first bull says, “Son, let me give you some advice real quick. Let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it.”
The third bull says, “Heck, he can have ALL my cows. I’m just making sure he knows I’m a bull!”
Johnny was at school and the teacher said
He dialed the employees home phone number
Three bulls heard that the rancher was going to bring another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them.
The first bull says, “Boys, we all know I’ve been here for 5 years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I don’t know where this newcomer is going to get HIS cows, but I ain’t’ giving’ him any of mine.”
The second bull says, “That pretty much says it for me, too. I’ve been here 3 years and have earned my right to the 50 cows we’ve agreed are mine. I’ll fight him till I run him off or kill ‘I’m, but I’M KEEPING’ ALL MY COWS.”
The third bull says, “I’ve only been here a year, and so far you guys have only let me have 10 cows to “take care of”. I may not be as big as you fellows yet, but I am young and virile, so I simply MUST keep all MY cows.”
They had just finished their big talk when an eighteen-wheeler pulls up in the middle of the pasture with only ONE ANIMAL IN IT: the biggest Son-of-Another-Bull these guys had ever seen!
At 4700 pounds, each step he took toward the ground strained the steel ramp to the breaking point.
The first bull says, “Ahem…You know, it’s actually been some time since I really felt I was doing all my cow’s justice, anyway. I think I can spare a few for our new friend.”
The second bull says, “I’ll have plenty of cows to take care of if I just stay on the opposite end of the pasture from HIM. I’m certainly not looking for an argument.”
They look over at their young friend, the third bull, and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns, and snorting up a storm.
The first bull says, “Son, let me give you some advice real quick. Let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it.”
The third bull says, “Heck, he can have ALL my cows. I’m just making sure he knows I’m a bull!”
Johnny was at school and the teacher said
He dialed the employees home phone number
30.
Little Johnny is back at school after the holidays.
After a few days, his teacher calls up Little Johnny’s dad to report that Johnny has been behaving badly at school.
His dad says to the teacher
“Hang on a minute, I had Johnny at home with me for 2 months and I never phoned you once when he misbehaved.”
Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday
Sarah parents are excited to meet her new boyfriend
Little Johnny is back at school after the holidays.
After a few days, his teacher calls up Little Johnny’s dad to report that Johnny has been behaving badly at school.
His dad says to the teacher
“Hang on a minute, I had Johnny at home with me for 2 months and I never phoned you once when he misbehaved.”
Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday
Sarah parents are excited to meet her new boyfriend
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Eng Jokes